at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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