I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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