a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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