come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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