Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
