I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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