the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
