final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
