pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
