He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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