I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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