WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize