Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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