The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
