It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
