Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
