i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
