i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
