My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
