Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize