He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize