my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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