Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
