she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
