My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
