I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
