He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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