You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
