Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business

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(205): View more from Alabama

Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.

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(816): View more from Missouri

you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too

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(856): View more from New Jersey

in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high

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(336): View more from North Carolina

i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance

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(585): View more from New York

he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?

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(804): View more from Virginia

She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks

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(430): View more from Texas

Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex

(214): View more from Texas

Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me

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