the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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