Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
