Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
