Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
