Dude my mom stole all your condoms
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You had me at "let me see your balls"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
