I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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