Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
