do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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