Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
