I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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