On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
