What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
