I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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