things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
