She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize