I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
