My Higher Power is John Stamos
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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