I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
