I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
