I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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