It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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