His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
