if i can run in heels then i can drive
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
