The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
