Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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