i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
