one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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