Plan B is the new Plan A
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize