jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
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