it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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