I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
