i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
