you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
