Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
