It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize