what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
